Over the last 3 years I’ve taken or been apart of numerous courses and served many seminar leaders. Seeing behind the scenes into the workings of some of the biggest “names” in the personal growth industry. And I discovered some things that shocked me! With this has come a wealth of lessons and experiences. Many that will steer me clear of disasters and torment, in terms of who I will (and won’t) align myself with in the future.
It blew my mind, how some people who are highly regarded (even as much to be in major books and movies), would go bananas on people behind the scenes, using profanity, and throwing a fit. And this is a soft example compared to other antics and dark character flaws … which we don’t need to discuss.
It was all rather perplexing to me, especially though my hopeful and optimistic eye, that these “gurus” were living a higher standard. I’m not perfect, and no one is, but it just seemed like a bigger character challenge than I would have anticipated from such pearly white teethed quasi-celebrities!
The good news is (and there is lots of good news), that there are really solid people in the industry too! Fortunately I found a great one, which has allowed me to compare and contrast what works, and how to steer clear of poor decisions. I want to share a couple of primary insights with you.
First off, it’s amazing how selecting a leader, teacher of mentor can dramatically turn your life for better or worse. I’ve personally experienced both sides, and also seen the dominoes through proxy and friends in my life who’ve made their own choices. When someone goes “all in” with a mentor, and comes out one year later (or some time period reasonable enough in length to truly implement their teachings), the fruits either show or they don’t. And sometimes the fruits are nasty! For example a lot of debt, an entire business structure set up, and 100′s of hours of work, and no business income to show for it. Other times, I personally learned a collection bunch of techniques, but not the critical principles to piece it all together.
LESSON #1: This life operates 1000 times more on principle than it does on technique!
Here’s a perfect example … 12 months after coaching and learning from a mentor, who shows a road to peace and happiness, the student had no idea where to find it. He was inward and miserable. Fortunately in that same 12 months, I’d been learning and living a really simple and powerful tool that helps me connect to happiness in under 30 seconds. And when I shared it with him, he started laughing instantly.
We’ve got to be careful who we listen to.
Want to know a way to find out how good a teacher is?
LESSON #2: Simply look at the results of their students!! Compare and contrast students of different teachers, and it becomes really obvious really fast. Are they happy? Are they making more money than before? Are they healthier? And most importantly is there life balanced, and getting better?
LESSON #3: Lastly, be careful to get to tied up in the “experience” of other people. Lots of teachers do fancy exercises that can provide quite a “spiritual journey”, but it doesn’t mean squat (in my opinion) if it doesn’t add something tangible to someone’s life.
These are some of my primary lessons, as I reflect on a 3 year journey that has held many ups and downs. And I know using these lessons in your life, can help you avoid much pain and struggle and steer down an awesome path! Which I’ve definitely found (after these tough lessons).
By the way, this applies across ALL industries, genres, etc. Not just personal or business development.
So what’s your lesson? And where you can you apply this, to make your future even brighter!?
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NOTE – I share the above post not to rant, or call out any one in particular, but more so to point out one of my biggest lessons … so we can all take a smoother journey in the future! If you’re a colleague, friend or ANYONE who feels at all tweaked by this post, please know this is NOT intended to be a shot at you or your work. Instead it’s a broad perspective of my lessons that stem from countless places and experiences in my personal journey. In other words, it’s NOT about the “who” or what company. I want you to know with 100% certainty it’s about the lesson(s). And I’ve been very lucky to meet so many amazing people along this road!! We are ALL doing there best we can, and I respect that.
Thanks for the reminder, Kyle, to look for the fruit of what they have done and their students have done. I will definitely look for those kind of references for the future.
Great Blog!
Excellent blog Kyle. Developing the self, or some aspect of the self is serious and important business.
It is incredible the lies and deception that some will take part in.
On the other hand, as you mention, there are some good ones out there, and they are truly helping and truly empowering their clients.
Thanks!
Thanks Zander. Good to hear from you. It really is incredible!
Yes Melissa. It’s a simple thing, but if overlooked can be really disastrous!
Excellent post Kyle!
I can certainly relate to your experiences, having “invested” in a number of mentors myself. I would argue that they’ve all seved me, if not the way I expected, but in the lessons learned though.
Certainly the personal development or self improvement world has a wide range of gurus who provide varying levels of results for their followers – it’s also largely dependant on the actual follow through of the participant. That said, I’ve found that some certainly deliver more practical value with tangible results, and that’s why I strive to sift through the noise so I can direct people where I think they’re most likely to come away with their desired outcome.
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Hey Kyle!
These are excellent key points.
Perfect timing for me.
Thanks for posting.
Anil! It’s incredible that you posted. I was thinking about you today. B/c of a blog post from last summer, where I wrote about something you’d shared, b/c it sparked an idea. How are you!?
Great article Kyle. It’s all based on results – even the results of their students! That’s such a great explanation. Now I’m thinking about my teachers and mentors… I’ve learned something from everyone I’ve taken a course with! I’ve seen a lot of these guys behind the scenes, and they are human, just like the rest of us. They aren’t perfect either. They have ego. I could choose to resent some of my teachers based on things I’ve seen them do behind the scenes, but where would that get me? No where. I am in gratitude to the lessons and gifts that each of them have shared with me… even the lessons that came from watching them backstage!!!
Hi Christine! Thanks for your comments. I feel the same way. And it’s such a healthy light to put things in (thanks for putting that). In terms of just taking the lesson, and leaving the resentment behind. That can be an obstacle to overcome (it was for me). It also helps me so just how human I am too.
And that’s part of this whole thing. Is how much can we forgive and have some care? We all mess up.
And that’s another great lesson too!